no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
