yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize