were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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