the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Panties = found
Randomize
