good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
