every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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