I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
