I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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