some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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