it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
