Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
