My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
