I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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