1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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