Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
