i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
