Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
