She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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