I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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