I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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