He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
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