OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
