Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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