I showed him my bush... on skype.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
