Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
