I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
