If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
