This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All I want is dick and wine.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
