Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
