Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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