I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
