I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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