Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
