it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
