Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
