please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize