I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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