If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
