My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
