Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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