those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
false alarm. still invincible.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
