I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize