i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
