Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
