tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
