If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
