no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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