you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
