I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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