I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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