How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
