dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
