yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
