Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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