We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
cat food counts as protein by the way
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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