Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
