he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize