i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
