Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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