Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
