Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
