Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
