well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
