I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
