he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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