he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
