My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i will never coherently bang her
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
