I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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