Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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