i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
no, he came in my armpit
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
