I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
