I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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