it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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