I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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