just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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