I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
