I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
false alarm. still invincible.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
