TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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